Girls, Girls, Girls

Thanks to one of my stepsons, I am grandma to girls, and one of them is a teenager now. Since she was small, she has spent time every summer here in Chicago with Jim and me. For almost as long as she’s been doing this, we’ve been friends and neighbors with a family whose daughter was close to the age of our granddaughter. They hit it off so well that we schedule our granddaughter’s visit so that the girls can spend that week together.  Which means that for nearly a decade Jim and I have hosted these two girls during the summer. They are now good friends, and I suspect that our granddaughter longs for Chicago more to see her friend than to see us old people. But we don’t mind. I never had children, and both my sisters had sons. Now that my nephew is father to a baby girl, the family is quite delirious. There’s something about a girl that makes us especially giddy. They’re sort of magical, and they bring us gifts.

 

What are the gifts of girl-ness?

 

Movement. I’m talkin’ ‘bout those girly moves, the kind that happen only at a certain time of life. There’s the sway of hips that have recently found their contours. There’s the quirky ballet of arms and legs that only yesterday were little-girl arms and legs but now have grown long and strong and more graceful by the day.

Atmosphere. A small child will express intense happiness or displeasure without much nuance. But watching a young girl’s face is like contemplating the ocean. So many shades of emotion, so many meanings in the eyes—and all of it changes constantly, wave upon glittering, thunderous wave.

Language. They talk, they whisper, they sing, they chant, they yell, they screech. Girls play with words and with the sounds of their own voices. Communication is never-ending and it’s nearly always important. Also, girls know the lyrics (and the moves) to every song they like, and they like a LOT of songs.

Laughter. They laugh at everything and everybody, especially at adults who are angry about something. I was happy to learn that my grumpiness provided them with so much free entertainment and the excuse to giggle and snort and cackle. And shriek. Girls laugh because laughing is fun. If there’s no reason to laugh, they look at each other intently until someone breaks, and then the cackling starts all over again.

Morality. Yes, I wrote that word on purpose. Young girls are making up their minds about a lot of things. They want a philosophical system that serves them well. They have no problem with good/bad and right/wrong as long as they agree with the categories. They have OPINIONS about what kinds of guys are jerks or about what clothes look good on a person. They have closets full of stories about friends, parents, siblings, teachers, or celebrities who have really screwed up. Although girls often don’t have the wisdom that life experience brings, generally they are equipped with good bullshit detectors and aren’t afraid to use them.

Romance. Young girls soon learn what it means to be infatuated, to feel all crazy because boys are around. They are forever on the lookout for “hot guys,” and any activity or conversation can be disrupted on the instant when such a person walks by. To girls, dreaming of love is an art form. Note of caution: don’t try to talk them down from this. Disgruntled, love-burned grown-ups should just keep quiet and let the girls revel in the imagined loves and lives that may seem completely implausible to the rest of us.

Energy. Did I tell you we spent a week with girls? I am grateful that they are old enough now to put themselves to bed—if they make it to bed at all. I’m grateful that they can turn on the oven and bake their own pizza rolls or chocolate chip cookies at midnight if they want. The old man and me, we just say goodnight and go to bed, knowing that we’ll have plenty of time for a leisurely coffee in the morning, because although girls have loads of energy, they sleep late after watching two or three movies in a row and talking about everything that’s important.

 

Young girls can be the most astounding people on earth. Not only do they have great energy, but they also possess the wherewithal to believe that all sorts of things are possible. In Days of Deepening Friendship I mention this in a segment about Mary of Nazareth and her visit from the angel Gabriel.

 “I think the Lord chose a young girl for this mission because a girl in the fervor of adolescence is able to harbor dreams and goals that border on the absurd. A girl just coming into her womanhood is open enough and feisty enough to stand there and talk to an angel, even question the information (“So, how will this happen if I’ve never had sex??”). And a young woman who is convinced that divine love has called upon her help—well, she just can’t be stopped. She’s stubborn and resilient and more optimistic than people who have become sensible and set in their ways. Mary’s story is a reminder of how miraculous the teenage years can be. We become distracted by the mood swings and silences and fits of rebellion and questionable friends, but we forget how a girl’s soul can open up and how willing she can become when she understands that God is truly interested in her life, her choices, and her future.”

 

So let’s celebrate our girls. Let’s take them shopping and listen to their music and be seduced by their laughter. Let’s not be so fretful and grumpy; this time is short and we don’t want to miss the wonder of beauty waking up and of singular worldviews forming. If we want them to become extraordinary women, then we must love the girls they are now. We must learn to enjoy their loudness and their disorganization, their drama and their dreams.

 

Copyright  © 2009 Vinita Hampton Wright