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March 15, 2010


I have no idea how to explain to young women what it means to be sexy, in part because I'm sure I didn't listen when anybody tried when I was younger (I think they may have tried, but I have no memory of it, so I suspect I didn't believe them/wasn't listening). What I see now, at age 45, looking at younger women is a) none of them are really sexy as such, and b) the ones that are look the way I think I probably did (a bit too plump, not at all like the rake-thin models I wanted to look like). I also find that my perception of beauty has shifted. Yes, I see why the beautiful young women are beautiful and I'm sure if I were their age I'd be wanting what they have (beautiful hair, slenderness, smooth skin), but real sexiness comes from, let's face it, having had sex, not exactly the message parents want to give their daughters--or sons. Perhaps there is a reason that we talk about "sexual maturity." I think what most young people want (certainly, what I wanted then) was reassurance that sex is going to be in their future and that they don't need to be anxious about finding it now. Then they will be free to be young and innocent, rather than madly trying to grow up before they need to. As a hope!

I think sexy might have a little to do with being comfortable in your own skin. If you are comfortable with who you are, walk with confidence,look people in the eye, and dress modestly but in a feminine way (if you are a woman), you probably will be sexy. Sexy in a good way. Of course, what is a 'feminine look' is debatable.

I think our idea of sexy has been skewed by the way the 'world' defines sexy.. it seems to be all about the exterior of a person.. and most of us have bought into it. It's about much more than that.

I was definitely NOT one of the beautiful people as a young person. I think I feel more sexy now (at midlife) than I did in my younger years.But maybe it's because I accept myself the way I am a little more now (it's taken long enough!)and my husband thinks I am. ;)

Just finished reading one of your books and enjoyed it so much (Velma Still Cooks in Leeway)!!

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