Lent #7 If Only

If only I’d had a better education, growing up, I wouldn’t have to try so feverishly to catch up now.

If only I’d been beautiful, the world would have opened its arms to me more willingly, and everything would have gone better.

If only I had married someone not so damaged . . .

If only we’d been able to have children . . .

If only I’d seen the trend earlier, I might have written a bestseller.

If only my gifts had been more popular and people-pleasing . . .

If only we’d been able to buy that other house . . .

If only my spiritual experiences had been a bit more sexy and eye-catching, I could have written a memoir everyone wanted to read.

If only I could look cool one day in my whole life . . .

If only we were wealthy enough to travel the world and have our spiritual epiphanies in lovelier locations . . .

If only I’d been given the gifts I wanted, rather the ones I got . . .

 This is my confession today. I confess the if-only spirit that so often distracts my work and seeps into my days. I confess thinking that I might have managed my life better, were I god of the universe who had the power to do such. I confess, not open hands and receptive heart, but clenched fists and a closed life.

 All I can do, dear lovely God, creative God, compassionate God, is trust the Mercy.

Comments

[deb cleveland]

Thank you, Vinita, for always challenginge me and making me think...

[Arabesque Number 1]

The "if only's" plague us all. Thank you for being transparent today. I am having a "if only" day too... I love your last line to "trust the mercy" Bless you

[Julie]

I haven't met you, but I have read your books, Vinita, and glimpsed your heart through your blogs. I think you are beautiful. I think your education in your early fifties is inspiring. I think you probably have gifts that are a balm to those around you. I have recommended your books to everyone who will listen, and given copies to friends, because I found in them some treasures I hadn't found in any other books. You are very cool, your writing gift is breathtaking, and your beauty is quite apparent. Perhaps not in the dime-a-dozen Hollywood way, but in the counts-for-something way. Your transparency encourages me. I wanted to reach out and send love and encouragement to you today.

[VinitaWright]

Youre so kind, Julie. Thank you. You gave my soul a lift, truly.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

[marcia]

i see you and i hear you...and i am touched by your willingness to be vulnerable and open...you are an instrument of God's peace in my life; by way of your gifts, talents, and simply by being you. love you always and forever.

[Vinita]

Marcia, you always know the perfect thing to say! Grace and peace, love always--V

[Virginia reader]

You're a mind reader! If-only thinking has such a corrosive effect on my life. If only I married the other guy instead of him I'd be happier. I'm mad at myself for making such poor decisions. I have only me to blame for the predicament I'm in. "All I can do, dear lovely God, creative God, compassionate God, is trust the Mercy."